Active ListeningOne of the most critical skills for success in our professional and private lives is listening. Good listening skills affect your ability to be effective at work and improve the quality of your relationships.You would think that we would be good at listening since we do so much of it! Most of us are not, and research shows we only remember between 25 and 50 percent of what we hear, as described by Edgar Dale's Cone of Experience. Therefore, if you talk with your boss, colleagues, customers, or spouse for ten minutes, they will only pay attention to half of what you say.Similarly, you're not receiving the whole message when a person gives you directions or provides information. Ideally, you capture the critical parts in your 25-50 percent, but what if that's not possible?We can all benefit from improving our listening skills. Being a better listener will improve your productivity, as well as your ability to influence, persuade, and negotiate. In addition, you will avoid misunderstandings and conflict. All of these are essential for workplace success!Like any other skill, the way to improve your "active listening" is practice.&nbsp;The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." Active listening involves making a conscious effort to listen to what someone says and what they mean.You need to pay careful attention to the other person to do this.When someone else is speaking, you cannot be distracted by what may be happening around you or by forming counterarguments. You cannot get bored and lose focus on what the other person is saying.To improve your listening skills, make sure the other person knows you are paying attention to what they're saying.To appreciate the significance of this, ask yourself if you have ever been in a conversation where you wondered whether the other person was listening. There are times when you wonder if what you're saying is getting through or even if it's even worthwhile continuing. It feels like you're talking to a brick wall and want to avoid it.An acknowledgment can be as simple as nodding your head or saying, "uh-huh." You don't necessarily agree with the person, just showing that you pay attention.&nbsp;You need to respond to the speaker to encourage them to continue talking to get the information you need. While nodding and the odd uh-huh show interest, asking a question or summarizing what was said also indicates that you listen and understand what he said.&nbsp;Active listening skills.<ol><li>Maintain eye contact.</li></ol>Trying to talk with someone while they scan the room, look at a computer screen, or look out the window is like trying to hit a moving target. To what extent do you get the other person's attention? Half? A fifth? If the person were your child, you might say, "Look at me when I am talking to you," but that's not something we would say to our lovers, friends, colleagues, etc.Eye contact is considered a core element of effective communication in most Western cultures. We look each other in the eye when we converse. It doesn't mean you can't talk across the room or from another room, but if the conversation drags on for too long, you (or the other person) will get up and move. A desire for better communication brings you together.Turn to face your conversation partners when you are speaking with them. Set aside papers, books, the phone, and other distractions. Focus on them even if they don't focus on you. Various emotions, such as shyness, uncertainty, shame, guilt, or cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact in some people. Let the other person do their thing, but keep your eyes on yourself.<ol><li>Be attentive</li></ol>Now that you have made eye contact relax. Do not stare at the other person. You can occasionally look away and carry on as before. The important thing is to remain attentive. The dictionary defines attending as:. Be present· give attention· apply or direct yourself· pay attention· remain ready to serveRemove distractions, such as background activity and noise, from your mind. Also, avoid becoming engrossed in the speaker's accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distracting. Last but not least, don't get distracted by your thoughts, feelings, or biases.<ol><li>Keep an open mind.</li></ol>It would help if you listened to what the other person said without judging or critiquing it. Feel alarmed by what the person says, but do not tell yourself, "Well, that was a stupid move." The moment you engage in judgmental behavior, you've weakened your ability to listen.Listen carefully without jumping to conclusions. Remember that the speaker expresses their inner thoughts and feelings through language. Only by listening will you discover what those thoughts and feelings are.Don't grab a sentence. Many people can't slow their mental pace enough to listen effectively, so they try to speed up the other person by interrupting and finishing their sentences. They usually end up way off track because they follow their train of thought and don't understand where the other person's thoughts are going.&nbsp;&nbsp;Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information you are receiving. It doesn't matter if it's a literal picture or an arrangement of abstract concepts. If your brain is focused and your senses are alert, it will do the necessary work. Focus on, and remember keywords and phrases when listening for long stretches.Whenever you have the chance to listen, don't spend time planning what to say next. You can't practice and listen at the same time. Pay attention only to what the other person says.Be sure to listen to the speaker, even if you find it boring. Force yourself to remain focused.Don't interrupt, and don't impose your "solutions."It used to be taught to children that interrupting is rude. That message does not seem to be getting through anymore. On most talk shows and reality shows, loud, aggressive, in-your-face behavior appears at times to be encouraged.&nbsp;When you interrupt, you send a variety of messages. They include:· "I'm more valuable than you."· "I have more interesting, accurate, and relevant things to say."· "What you think doesn't matter to me."· "I don't have time to listen to your opinion."· "This is not a conversation, this is a contest, and I am going to win."Each of us thinks and speaks at a different pace. The onus falls on you if you are a quick thinker and an agile speaker to ease up on your speed for the slower, more thoughtful communicator or for the person having trouble expressing themselves.It would help if you refrained from offering solutions to someone talking about a problem. Most of us don't want your suggestions anyway. If we do, we'll ask for them. For the most part, we prefer to find our solutions. Your involvement and listening will enable us to do so. I would suggest getting permission from the speaker somewhere down the line if you are bursting with a brilliant solution. Just ask, "Would you like to hear my ideas?"Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.It would be best to ask the speaker to explain something when you don't understand it. However, it would be best to wait for the speaker to pause rather than interrupt. After that, say something like, "Hold on a second. I didn't understand what you said."Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.As long as you express those feelings through your facial expressions and words, you feel sad when someone expresses sadness and fear when they describe their fears, which will assure your effectiveness as a listener. Good listening is all about empathy.Empathy requires you to put yourself in the other person's shoes and experience what it would be like to be them at that moment. But this isn't easy. It requires effort and concentration. Nevertheless, it is a great and helpful thing to do, and it facilitates communication like nothing else.Give the speaker regular feedback.Show that you understand where the speaker is coming from by reflecting on their feelings. "You must be thrilled!" "What a horrible ordeal for you!" "I see you're confused." If the speaker's feelings are hidden or unclear, sometimes paraphrase the message's content. Just nod and show your understanding with appropriate facial expressions and an occasional "hmm" or "uh-huh."It is essential to show the speaker that you are listening and following their train of thought - not imagining your fantasy while they speak.You should constantly reiterate instructions and messages at work or home to understand them.Pay attention to what&nbsp;isn't&nbsp;said—to nonverbal cues.The majority of direct communication is probably nonverbal if you exclude email. We learn a great deal about each other without even saying a word. The tone and cadence of a person's voice can tell you almost as much about them as anything they say.&nbsp;An individual's expressions around the eyes, mouth set, and shoulders slope can tell you very quickly whether they are enthusiastic, bored, or irritated face to face. Please don't ignore them. The spoken words are only a tiny part of the message.

<speak>Active Listening<break time="0.75s"/>One of the most critical skills for success in our professional and private lives is listening<break time="0.5s"/>Good listening skills affect your ability to be effective at work and improve the quality of your relationships.<break time="0.75s"/>You would think that we would be good at listening since we do so much of it<break time="0.3s"/> Most of us are not<break time="0.3s"/> and research shows we only remember between 25 and 50 percent of what we hear<break time="0.3s"/> as described by Edgar Dale's Cone of Experience<break time="0.5s"/>Therefore<break time="0.3s"/> if you talk with your boss<break time="0.3s"/> colleagues<break time="0.3s"/> customers<break time="0.3s"/> or spouse for ten minutes<break time="0.3s"/> they will only pay attention to half of what you say.<break time="0.75s"/>Similarly<break time="0.3s"/> you're not receiving the whole message when a person gives you directions or provides information<break time="0.5s"/>Ideally<break time="0.3s"/> you capture the critical parts in your 25-50 percent<break time="0.3s"/> but what if that's not possible<break time="0.3s"/><break time="0.75s"/>We can all benefit from improving our listening skills<break time="0.5s"/>Being a better listener will improve your productivity<break time="0.3s"/> as well as your ability to influence<break time="0.3s"/> persuade<break time="0.3s"/> and negotiate<break time="0.5s"/>In addition<break time="0.3s"/> you will avoid misunderstandings and conflict<break time="0.5s"/>All of these are essential for workplace success<break time="0.3s"/><break time="0.75s"/>Like any other skill<break time="0.3s"/> the way to improve your "active listening" is practice. <break time="0.75s"/>The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." Active listening involves making a conscious effort to listen to what someone says and what they mean.<break time="0.75s"/>You need to pay careful attention to the other person to do this.<break time="0.75s"/>When someone else is speaking<break time="0.3s"/> you cannot be distracted by what may be happening around you or by forming counterarguments<break time="0.5s"/>You cannot get bored and lose focus on what the other person is saying.<break time="0.75s"/>To improve your listening skills<break time="0.3s"/> make sure the other person knows you are paying attention to what they're saying.<break time="0.75s"/>To appreciate the significance of this<break time="0.3s"/> ask yourself if you have ever been in a conversation where you wondered whether the other person was listening<break time="0.5s"/>There are times when you wonder if what you're saying is getting through or even if it's even worthwhile continuing<break time="0.5s"/>It feels like you're talking to a brick wall and want to avoid it.<break time="0.75s"/>An acknowledgment can be as simple as nodding your head or saying<break time="0.3s"/> "uh-huh." You don't necessarily agree with the person<break time="0.3s"/> just showing that you pay attention. <break time="0.75s"/>You need to respond to the speaker to encourage them to continue talking to get the information you need<break time="0.5s"/>While nodding and the odd uh-huh show interest<break time="0.3s"/> asking a question or summarizing what was said also indicates that you listen and understand what he said.<break time="0.75s"/> <break time="0.75s"/>Active listening skills.<break time="0.75s"/>Maintain eye contact.
Trying to talk with someone while they scan the room<break time="0.3s"/> look at a computer screen<break time="0.3s"/> or look out the window is like trying to hit a moving target<break time="0.5s"/>To what extent do you get the other person's attention<break time="0.3s"/> Half<break time="0.3s"/> A fifth<break time="0.3s"/> If the person were your child<break time="0.3s"/> you might say<break time="0.3s"/> "Look at me when I am talking to you<break time="0.3s"/>" but that's not something we would say to our lovers<break time="0.3s"/> friends<break time="0.3s"/> colleagues<break time="0.3s"/> etc.<break time="0.75s"/>Eye contact is considered a core element of effective communication in most Western cultures<break time="0.5s"/>We look each other in the eye when we converse<break time="0.5s"/>It doesn't mean you can't talk across the room or from another room<break time="0.3s"/> but if the conversation drags on for too long<break time="0.3s"/> you (or the other person) will get up and move<break time="0.5s"/>A desire for better communication brings you together.<break time="0.75s"/>Turn to face your conversation partners when you are speaking with them<break time="0.5s"/>Set aside papers<break time="0.3s"/> books<break time="0.3s"/> the phone<break time="0.3s"/> and other distractions<break time="0.5s"/>Focus on them even if they don't focus on you<break time="0.5s"/>Various emotions<break time="0.3s"/> such as shyness<break time="0.3s"/> uncertainty<break time="0.3s"/> shame<break time="0.3s"/> guilt<break time="0.3s"/> or cultural taboos<break time="0.3s"/> can inhibit eye contact in some people<break time="0.5s"/>Let the other person do their thing<break time="0.3s"/> but keep your eyes on yourself.<break time="0.75s"/>Be attentive
Now that you have made eye contact relax<break time="0.5s"/>Do not stare at the other person<break time="0.5s"/>You can occasionally look away and carry on as before<break time="0.5s"/>The important thing is to remain attentive<break time="0.5s"/>The dictionary defines attending as<break time="0.3s"/><break time="0.75s"/><break time="0.5s"/>Be present<break time="0.75s"/>· give attention<break time="0.75s"/>· apply or direct yourself<break time="0.75s"/>· pay attention<break time="0.75s"/>· remain ready to serve<break time="0.75s"/>Remove distractions<break time="0.3s"/> such as background activity and noise<break time="0.3s"/> from your mind<break time="0.5s"/>Also<break time="0.3s"/> avoid becoming engrossed in the speaker's accent or speech mannerisms to the point where they become distracting<break time="0.5s"/>Last but not least<break time="0.3s"/> don't get distracted by your thoughts<break time="0.3s"/> feelings<break time="0.3s"/> or biases.<break time="0.75s"/>Keep an open mind.
It would help if you listened to what the other person said without judging or critiquing it<break time="0.5s"/>Feel alarmed by what the person says<break time="0.3s"/> but do not tell yourself<break time="0.3s"/> "Well<break time="0.3s"/> that was a stupid move." The moment you engage in judgmental behavior<break time="0.3s"/> you've weakened your ability to listen.<break time="0.75s"/>Listen carefully without jumping to conclusions<break time="0.5s"/>Remember that the speaker expresses their inner thoughts and feelings through language<break time="0.5s"/>Only by listening will you discover what those thoughts and feelings are.<break time="0.75s"/>Don't grab a sentence<break time="0.5s"/>Many people can't slow their mental pace enough to listen effectively<break time="0.3s"/> so they try to speed up the other person by interrupting and finishing their sentences<break time="0.5s"/>They usually end up way off track because they follow their train of thought and don't understand where the other person's thoughts are going. <break time="0.75s"/> <break time="0.75s"/>Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.<break time="0.75s"/>Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information you are receiving<break time="0.5s"/>It doesn't matter if it's a literal picture or an arrangement of abstract concepts<break time="0.5s"/>If your brain is focused and your senses are alert<break time="0.3s"/> it will do the necessary work<break time="0.5s"/>Focus on<break time="0.3s"/> and remember keywords and phrases when listening for long stretches.<break time="0.75s"/>Whenever you have the chance to listen<break time="0.3s"/> don't spend time planning what to say next<break time="0.5s"/>You can't practice and listen at the same time<break time="0.5s"/>Pay attention only to what the other person says.<break time="0.75s"/>Be sure to listen to the speaker<break time="0.3s"/> even if you find it boring<break time="0.5s"/>Force yourself to remain focused.<break time="0.75s"/>Don't interrupt<break time="0.3s"/> and don't impose your "solutions."<break time="0.75s"/>It used to be taught to children that interrupting is rude<break time="0.5s"/>That message does not seem to be getting through anymore<break time="0.5s"/>On most talk shows and reality shows<break time="0.3s"/> loud<break time="0.3s"/> aggressive<break time="0.3s"/> in-your-face behavior appears at times to be encouraged. <break time="0.75s"/>When you interrupt<break time="0.3s"/> you send a variety of messages<break time="0.5s"/>They include<break time="0.3s"/><break time="0.75s"/>· "I'm more valuable than you."<break time="0.75s"/>· "I have more interesting<break time="0.3s"/> accurate<break time="0.3s"/> and relevant things to say."<break time="0.75s"/>· "What you think doesn't matter to me."<break time="0.75s"/>· "I don't have time to listen to your opinion."<break time="0.75s"/>· "This is not a conversation<break time="0.3s"/> this is a contest<break time="0.3s"/> and I am going to win."<break time="0.75s"/>Each of us thinks and speaks at a different pace<break time="0.5s"/>The onus falls on you if you are a quick thinker and an agile speaker to ease up on your speed for the slower<break time="0.3s"/> more thoughtful communicator or for the person having trouble expressing themselves.<break time="0.75s"/>It would help if you refrained from offering solutions to someone talking about a problem<break time="0.5s"/>Most of us don't want your suggestions anyway<break time="0.5s"/>If we do<break time="0.3s"/> we'll ask for them<break time="0.5s"/>For the most part<break time="0.3s"/> we prefer to find our solutions<break time="0.5s"/>Your involvement and listening will enable us to do so<break time="0.5s"/>I would suggest getting permission from the speaker somewhere down the line if you are bursting with a brilliant solution<break time="0.5s"/>Just ask<break time="0.3s"/> "Would you like to hear my ideas<break time="0.3s"/>"<break time="0.75s"/>Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.<break time="0.75s"/>It would be best to ask the speaker to explain something when you don't understand it<break time="0.5s"/>However<break time="0.3s"/> it would be best to wait for the speaker to pause rather than interrupt<break time="0.5s"/>After that<break time="0.3s"/> say something like<break time="0.3s"/> "Hold on a second<break time="0.5s"/>I didn't understand what you said."<break time="0.75s"/>Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.<break time="0.75s"/>As long as you express those feelings through your facial expressions and words<break time="0.3s"/> you feel sad when someone expresses sadness and fear when they describe their fears<break time="0.3s"/> which will assure your effectiveness as a listener<break time="0.5s"/>Good listening is all about empathy.<break time="0.75s"/>Empathy requires you to put yourself in the other person's shoes and experience what it would be like to be them at that moment<break time="0.5s"/>But this isn't easy<break time="0.5s"/>It requires effort and concentration<break time="0.5s"/>Nevertheless<break time="0.3s"/> it is a great and helpful thing to do<break time="0.3s"/> and it facilitates communication like nothing else.<break time="0.75s"/>Give the speaker regular feedback.<break time="0.75s"/>Show that you understand where the speaker is coming from by reflecting on their feelings<break time="0.5s"/>"You must be thrilled<break time="0.3s"/>" "What a horrible ordeal for you<break time="0.3s"/>" "I see you're confused." If the speaker's feelings are hidden or unclear<break time="0.3s"/> sometimes paraphrase the message's content<break time="0.5s"/>Just nod and show your understanding with appropriate facial expressions and an occasional "hmm" or "uh-huh."<break time="0.75s"/>It is essential to show the speaker that you are listening and following their train of thought - not imagining your fantasy while they speak.<break time="0.75s"/>You should constantly reiterate instructions and messages at work or home to understand them.<break time="0.75s"/>Pay attention to what isn't said—to nonverbal cues.<break time="0.75s"/>The majority of direct communication is probably nonverbal if you exclude email<break time="0.5s"/>We learn a great deal about each other without even saying a word<break time="0.5s"/>The tone and cadence of a person's voice can tell you almost as much about them as anything they say. <break time="0.75s"/>An individual's expressions around the eyes<break time="0.3s"/> mouth set<break time="0.3s"/> and shoulders slope can tell you very quickly whether they are enthusiastic<break time="0.3s"/> bored<break time="0.3s"/> or irritated face to face<break time="0.5s"/>Please don't ignore them<break time="0.5s"/>The spoken words are only a tiny part of the message.<break time="0.75s"/></speak>